i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
