is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
