She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
