I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
