Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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