That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
