i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
