apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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