I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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