This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
