i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
