I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
