After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
