I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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