yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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