I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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