I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
