Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
