I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
