Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
