Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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