Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
