I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
