Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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