mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
