That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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