Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
