This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
