i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
