wat bout pragnant strippers??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
