I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
