Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
