So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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