I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
