goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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