The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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