Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
