her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
