Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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