My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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