Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
