the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
