38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
