pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
