i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
