I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
