we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
