he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
