oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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