Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize