So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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