John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
