"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
