theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
