I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
