we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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