Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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