is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
