Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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