when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
