Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I party with great urgency now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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