I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
