Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
