You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
