her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
