Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
