Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
