Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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