if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
