Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
