in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
