I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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