Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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