Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
