i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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