Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
