The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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